


to lose yourself in the service of others

by keskasi, wingchestr



Category: Star Trek: The Next Generation
Genre: Crack, I don't know what I expected, M/M, chatfic, dead dove do not eat, this will not be finished OR fleshed out so please enjoy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-30
Updated: 2020-11-30
Packaged: 2021-03-09 21:42:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 702
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27793261
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/keskasi/pseuds/keskasi, https://archiveofourown.org/users/wingchestr/pseuds/wingchestr
Summary: Data asks his commanding officers for help with a personal matter.
Relationships: Data/Jean-Luc Picard, Data/Jean-Luc Picard/William Riker, Data/William Riker, Jean-Luc Picard/William Riker
Comments: 1
Kudos: 7





	to lose yourself in the service of others

**Author's Note:**

> My wife and I have been watching a lot of next gen and voyager, and we're crazy perverts who come up with approximately one thousand and one insane ideas a day. We have decided to inflict some of them on the world. It's crack, but we love it.

Data asks Geordi for help with a personal matter.

Geordi: Well, what is it, Data?

Data explains that in his quest to understand the human condition, he may have left out vast swaths of important experiences.

Geordi: Oh? Like what?

Data: Sex acts.

Geordi: Didn’t you and Tasha--er...

Data: That is correct. But I wish to be on the receiving end of the experience.

Geordi: Well, I’m not gonna be much help for you there, Data. Hey, you might try asking Commander Riker.

Data: [head tilt] I will consider it.

  
  


\--

Riker and Picard are talking in the observation lounge about some space shenanigans, but Riker is clearly distracted.

Picard: Something on your mind, Number One?

Riker: [sigh] Yes, sir. One of our shipmates has approached me with an...unusual request. 

Picard: What sort of request?

Riker: He asked me to perform an intimate act with him, so he could...better understand human culture.

Picard: [raises an eyebrow, a twinkle in his eye] Oh? That is very unusual indeed. I take it that this crewmate is not human? 

Riker: He's quite unique, sir. 

Picard: One of a kind, you might say? 

Riker looks at Picard with his dopey look of surprised respect. He is relieved Picard has understood him without him having to spell it out.

Riker: Yes, sir, you might.

Picard: A fascinating prospect, wouldn’t you agree? To aid another life form in discovering a new aspect of their existence?

Riker: That’s one way to look at it, sir, but at the same time it’s a great responsibility.

Picard: You’re not looking at this scientifically enough, Number One. If this is to be done as a proper experiment, you may need a third party. You can’t run an experiment and be part of it at the same time.

Riker: I hadn’t thought of that, sir. Do you think I should ask the doctor?

Picard smiles. You know the one.

Picard: I don’t think that will be necessary.

\--

Riker and Picard go to Data and Riker lays out his terms: He will top Data, but after discussing it with the Captain, he thinks it best that a scientific observer is there to oversee and direct the experiment.

Riker: To observe us.

Data: I was unaware that it was customary to have a third party present, Commander. 

Riker: Nothing about this is customary, Data. 

Data: Who will be joining us?

Picard, stepping forward with his hands clasped behind his back, with that goddamned smile: I believe that responsibility will fall to me. 

Data: [head tilt as he absorbs this] When should we get started?

Picard: If you two don’t have any objections, I believe we can proceed now.

Picard goes and sits down in Data’s armchair, crossing one leg over the other and steepling his fingers.

Data, to Riker: I have read extensively on this topic. Should I remove my clothes, or would you like to?

Riker looks at Picard in dismay.

Picard: Data, why don’t you begin with a simple kiss?

Riker: Yeah, Data, there’s no need to rush.

Data marches over to Riker. He looks up at him in that bird-like way of his. He is much shorter than Riker, but then again, most people are.

The rest of it goes like this: Picard gets psychosexual pleasure out of domming his crew. Riker fucks Data in the most awkward position imaginable. For some reason I’m picturing Data perched on a desk with his legs akimbo. Data canonically can change the size of his cock at will.

Picard: Ah, an amusing notion. One that many men would desire, I believe.

Data: I notice you are not jacking your meat, Captain. [Riker gives Data an incredulous look] I have been practicing some old Earth slang.

Picard: I often find that I do not require physical stimulation to be...adequately fulfilled. I assure you, Data, I am thoroughly enjoying this experience. 

Data: Interesting. Clearly there is a lot about human sexuality that I have yet to discover. Done so soon, Commander?

Riker looks acutely embarrassed.

Picard: Now, the question remains: did  _ you  _ enjoy it, Data? 

Data pauses and thinks about it.

Data: I believe, Captain, that further experimentation will be required.

(star trek theme)

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> if you enjoyed this, please explain yourself. <3


End file.
